This Craigslist ad for a Coachella “companion” will haunt your festival dreams

Going to a festival alone can be daunting. Thousands of people are frolicking and having fun, while you sip quietly on a beer and try to blend in with the nearest shrub. So how do you find a companion who’ll share those Instagram-worthy times? Well, if you’re a legend like Gordon from LA, you take out a lengthy ad in Craigslist.

This 56-year-old party animal recently left his job as a supervising manager at a soup plantation, divorced his wife of 11 years, and is now just committed to fun. “Okay here’s the deal,” the ad begins. “I have a VIP Pass for Weekend 2. I’m looking for a travel ‘companion’ that can enjoy the festival with me and just have a good time.”

A free ticket to Coachella? Sounds pretty damn fine so far. However it isn’t going to be that easy, as Gordie does have some criteria for that special person that will be staying with him for the weekend. They include:

“A fashionable sense of style in the vein of typical coachella goer (i.e. cute indian headband, small ripped jean shorts, lots of colorful bracelets, etc).” 

“Must take a minimum of four photos of us together and post them to your Instigram (sic) account.”

That seems pretty reasonable, right? But Gordie also has some other pretty specific and – let’s be honest – kinda creepy requests:

“Must keep hands and feet moisturized at all times.” 

“Fingernails and Toenails must be nicely painted and harmonious with general color scheme of outfit.”

“Allow me to brush your hair once per day (not mandatory, but encouraged).”

“Periodic moments of extended eye contact.” 

“At least twice during the festival you must tell me in a playful manner that ‘I am naughty’.”

“At least once during our stay after your shower, you must use the steam to write a cute message on the bathroom mirror for me to find later when I shower.” 

If you’re part of the 0.000001% of the population that’s still keen, congratulations – you and Gordie could be spending the weekend at the Tropics Motor Motel in Indio, California. Just feast your eyes on this luxe accom…

Screen Shot 2017-01-06 at 11.22.15 AM

(Photo: Trip Advisor)

Need more incentive? Gordie says he’ll “provide snacks such as beef jerky and peanut butter sandwiches”. He signs off by reminding everyone this is “a once in a lifetime opportunity”, as if you hadn’t realised that already.

So do you think you have what it takes? Read the full ad below (click to enlarge).

Screen Shot 2017-01-06 at 10.05.20 AM